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Man and woman are different, if we can realize that, maybe we can minimize the chance of misunderstanding.
Whispering Love
Imagine that men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. One day, long ago, the Martians, looking into their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. Just glimpsing the Venusians awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and
flew to Venus. The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, doing things together and sharing together. Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets, and were supposed to be different. And one morning, everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day, men and women
have been in conflict.
The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen. Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks, or he listens for a few beats, assesses what is bothering her, and then he proudly puts on his Mr.Fix-it hat, and offers her a solution to make her feel better. No matter how many times she tells him that he’s not listening, he doesn’t get it, and he keeps doing the same thing. She
wants empathy, he thinks she wants solutions.
The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them. When a woman loves a man, she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things. She forms the home Improvement Committee, and he becomes her primary focus. No matter how much he resists her help, she persists, waiting for an opportunity to help him or to tell him what to
do. She thinks she’s nurturing him, while he feels he’s being controlled. Martians value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results. Achieving goals is very important to a Martian, because it is the way for him to prove his competence and this feel good about himself. And for him to feel good about himself, he must achieve these goals alone, by himself. To offer a
man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.
Men are very touchy about this because the issue of competence is so very important to them. However, if he truly does need help, then it’s a sign of wisdom to get it. In this case, he’ll find someone he respects and then talk about his problem. Talking about a problem on Mars is an invitation for advice. Another Martian feels honored by the opportunity. Automatically, he puts on his Mr.Fix-it hat, listens for a few
beats, and then offers some jewels of advice. This Martian custom is one of the reasons men instinctively offer solutions when a woman talks about her feelings or about her problems.
Venusians have different values. Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships and their communication. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating. Communication is of primary importance. To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals or success. Talking and relating to one another is a source of tremendous fulfillment. Instead of being
goal-oriented, women are relationship-oriented. They are more concerned with expressing their goodness, their love, their caring. Venusians are very intuitive. They pride themselves on being considerate of the needs and feelings of others. A sign of great love is to offer help and assistance to another Venusian without even being asked. Without this insight into the nature of men, it is very easy for a woman to unknowingly and unintentionally
hurt and offends the man she loves most.
Love is magical, and it can last if we remember our differences.
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